You're just asking for it

We went out to the bar for Father's Day the other night, and I was very put off by the demeanour of the particular establishment we went to.

Now, we don't exactly have a great selection of bars where I live, mostly because there aren't a lot of people there and we're in the middle of nowhere, which is why our favorite bars are the neighbors' garages. But since we had a special occasion to celebrate, we all decided to go to the nicest bar in our neck of the woods.

I've been to this place a couple times before, and it really is a gorgeous bar, but drinks are expensive so we rarely go there. I mean seriously, a bottle of cheap beer is five bucks when I can go to the store and buy an 18 pack of the same beer for fifteen dollars. Silly, but we figured what the heck, we never go out anyway.

Mistake.

We're outside people and so naturally claimed our territory out on the patio. It was almost nine, but the temperature was still in the triple digits outside. Since there was a mister system surrounding the patio, we asked the waitress when she came to take our order if she would be able to turn them on. They are there to cool off the customers after all.

Um, no. They're really not. They're just there to drive you crazy and make you think of how freaking hot it is outside and how much you wish you could be sitting in a refreshing mist.

After I asked about the misters, the waitress looks at us and straight up says, "we don't turn them on at night because there's nothing to dry the water and puddles form."

Wow. Really? It was 106 degrees and there was a nice breeze, not to mention the system was a good fifteen feet above the ground. Plus we had just left another place with misters that were actually closer to the ground and there was no water on the floor because it was hot as crap outside.

So I said to the waitress, "you don't have to turn them on full blast. Even a low setting would be nice."

"No, we don't do that here."

Well okay then. Dumb, but whatever.

A little later on, we realize that this bar has the most amount of rules we'd ever seen in a bar in our lives. Every five feet there was a sign posted telling you what NOT to do. Not only were they signs telling you what you couldn't do, they were DUMB signs telling you what you couldn't do. We just couldn't believe that everywhere we went there were these signs saying, "DO NOT put feet on furniture" and "DO NOT put feet on fire pit" and "DO NOT use fire pit as an ashtray". Well no shit dude, its a propane fire pit, why would I use that as an ashtray? And who do these people think they are, my mother? I don't think I've had someone tell me to not put my feet on the furniture since I was eight. Stupid.

Now obviously I'm the kind of person that hates rules. Yeah most rules are there to keep people safe, and those are cool. But when it comes to dumb rules that don't seem necessary? I can't stand them. So what did we do?

First we had a scheme to start sticking post it notes all over the place with our own DO NOT rules. You know, things like "DO NOT leave water running in bathroom," "DO NOT leave patio door open." Dumb things like that. Instead, we came up with an even better plan to do new things that would irritate the owner, and hopefully cause them to waste more money putting up a dumb sign everyone will hat just so we could say we made our mark. Turned out to be the most fun thing of the night.

All night the waitress was coming over and yelling at us to not have our legs on a chair, or to not sit on the fence, or to not sit on the fire pit (its one of those cool above level stone ones). I'm pretty sure she hated us by the end of the night because every time she came and yelled at us we just said, "hey, there's no sign saying I can't do that," and she'd get pissed and walk away. Mature? No. Necessary? No. Fun? F***ing hilarious!!!!

Normally I don't do things like that, but I seriously believe if you have the audacity to post ridiculous signs of things you'd say to children around a bar, you're just asking for people to be obnoxious. Treat someone like a little kid, and they're likely to act like a little kid. So of course with my little kid mentality, if I have someone constantly telling me what I can't do it's my natural proclivity to try to do everything I can to annoy the crap out of them. After all, they WERE asking for it.